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Graduation Guest Speaker Starter Pack "Follow your dreams" Signature look of superiority– "If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life" "What shall your legacy be?" "20 years ago, I sat in those very same chairs" *rambling about outdated campus traditions* *immediate microphone problems* "After college, moved back AA into my parents' basement. That was my rock bottom" "Back when I went here, we didn't even have computers" *scattered pity laughs* "I know you all wanna go drink your white claws and "YOLO" the night away so l'll be quick" *recounts entire life story* *unbearably long pauses for dramatic effect* "Now I stand here before you as an Associate Vice President at Hertz - Oklahoma City. Guys, the world is your oyster" *praying to God this is the last fucking speaker* "Special shoutout to my sisters at Gamma Apple Pie! Celebrate for me in particular tonight ladies!" "The future is in your hands."